Wednesday, 23 July 2014

You're beautiful

James Blunt - "You're Beautiful"

I wasn't sure about adding this one but it is a part of the soundtrack to my life. Perhaps I need to change the name of the blog? Although, it was so long ago it feels like my youth.

James Blunt was in the charts with this song when my children's father decided suddenly to leave me. Describing my feelings at the time are tricky. I still can't express clearly how awful that time was and the lingering consequences of the sudden loss.  I am certainly a very different person to that trusting, optimistic, youthful person but different is not necessarily worse or better.....just different. 

Whether you are rich or poor, loss is loss. I am grateful that I live in middle class comfort. However,  to talk about the loss of an imagined future for our family causes me to feel a huge amount of guilt associated with even acknowledging aloud the loss. And to be fair I have gained far more in the intervening years and have much to be thankful for - my amazing children and special friends in particular. 

I hate this song but at the time I found myself listening to it relentlessly. It fuelled the sense of loss but I think I was self aware enough to realise I needed something to aid the purge of emotions so there was an element of catharsis. 

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